Hawaii Rail
In Hawaii there is a lot of traffic and many of our people who have jobs far away from their home are being late because there are so many cars on the road. So the HART (honolulu authority - Rapid transportation) made a project worth billions of dollars. The HART program is borrowing money to pay for the rail using short term bonds that will be paid back using federal funds. This project helps the economy by helping people get to work on time, helps people far away from home get to their jobs.
Each year during construction, the rail transit project will help generate an average of 10,000 jobs. Thousands of jobs in construction, engineering, and professional services will be created as a direct result of the rail project. In addition, thousands of other indirect jobs will be created by businesses that provide goods and services to the project. The direct investment of federal and local funds will boost the economy and increase demand for goods and services at local businesses, while increasing tax revenues for the City and State. Transit oriented development around rail stations will sustain the demand for jobs in a variety of industries for many years into the future.
The train will start operating from Kapolei to the stadium will open by 2018 and the entire system from Kapolei to Ala Moana center, is set to be fully operational in 2019. The rail will make a difference in traffic because it will eliminate 40,000 cars on our streets and highways. There will be a fleet of 80 train cars, with approximatey 17 four car trains in operation during peak travel periods. There will be 800 passengers per car train and if an emergency case there are emergency phones. The train will be elevated and will be air conditioned.
By 2030, nearly 70 percent of Oahu's population and more than 80 percent of the island's jobs will be located along the 20 mile rail corridor. Rail will connect major residential areas with primary job centers. There will be stops downtown, at three UH system campuses , aloha stadium, the Honolulu international airport and several shopping centers. rail will provide a way to attend special events at Aloha Stadium, catch flights at the airport, or enjoy concerts at the Blaisdell Center, without the hassles of parking and traffic.
In conclusion, I think that this 5.2 billion dollar will help out economy because it will reduce 40,000 cars on the road and people going to college and private school have a ride and people who work far away from their homes they have an elevated rail and they don't have to go through any traffic. This will enhance our community because their are many stops and our population will raise by 2030 and a lot of our stores in the city will raise money because of the transportation. The rail will be traveling at 55 mph and it will be open at 4 am to midnight the next day. It is highly elevated and will take you to places on time.
You had good evidence, but use quotes so we know that it came from an actual source. Instead of saying "Sales, beaches, waves, and stores." as your introduction sentence, try putting your reader in a scene. Give more details about them instead of ending the sentence like that. In the conclusion sentence, summarize the main points from all of your body paragraphs. (add about the fish population) In the third paragraph, you should relate those details to your thesis statement. Are the fish population and the rail related? If it is, then you should connect the two ideas, and write about how they affect each other. If not, then you should find another detail about how the traffic on the road will make people lose their jobs. Also, varying the length of your sentences will help your essay to flow a little better. Lastly, find more facts about how traffic makes people lose their jobs, because this will support your thesis statement. Overall, I liked how you restated your thesis statement in different words (in the conclusion). Good job.
ReplyDeleteJavon, you have some really good strong evidence but need to work on supporting it better. For the purpose of this essay, you went off track. Your essay was suppose to be about rail, well it does talk about it, it was only in one paragraph, the others talk about tourism and respecting the land, when your main focus was rail. For audience, the position adjusts. For form, like I said earlier, switches from tourism to rail to land/ littering. For content your writing is kind of clear, except the main focus switched. For conventions, there are some grammar errors but overall okay. I think that you should add more reasoning and personal comments. But overall I feel that this essay lost its purpose and could be tweaked.
ReplyDeleteHIGHLY INCOMPLETE. NEEDED TO BE FIVE PARAGRAPHS AND THE BODY SECTIONS NEEDED TO BE IN CHUNKY FORMAT. THERE IS NO THESIS STATEMENT AND CONCLUSION IS MISSING SO MANY ELEMENTS. YOU HAVE ALMOST NO EVIDENCE WHEN TRYING TO PROVE YOUR IDEAS TO BE TRUE AND THERE IS NOT ENOUGH DISCUSSION. FOLLOW THE TEMPLATE OF HOW TO DO A 5 PARAGRAPH ESSAY. AS(1-)
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